3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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