Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
