I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
