I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
