Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
