I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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