Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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