were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
