WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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