I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
