She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's shark week go big or go home
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
