I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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