I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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