I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
