I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
