His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
