Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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