Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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