Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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