A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
