Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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