so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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