i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
