hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
