All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
