I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
