Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We're too hungover to prance.
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