i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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