Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
