dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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