I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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