last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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