How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
