I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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