In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
