there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
