This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
