I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
