Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just high enough for therapy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
