So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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