I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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