Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
