Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
