I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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