you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
