I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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