Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
