I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
