OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
