just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
