did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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