she was so not down for the gang bang
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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