Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
