You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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