I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
