When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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