Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
