WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
