I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
