i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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