Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
