Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm just crazy horny about you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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