I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
