I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
