i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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