I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
