If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
