Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
