Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
